I want out. I want down off this sick cycle of low self esteem & a constant wish to be dead. I want peace & serenity. No more harsh self judgment. I want to be empty, meaningless, clear like seeing to the bottom of a lake. I don't want relief, I want a way out. I'm tired of trying to make things better & then finally getting to the top only to fall down again. Being happy & joyful & alive is so much work. I'm tired of working.
