Meaningless

I guess I'm afraid to confide in you because I'm afraid you won't be sympathetic. You're not eating animal products anymore and you're gonna get a pet pig so its one less bacon product in the world. And you're not showering to conserve water for the children in Africa and when I think about all that and then compare it to my middle class depressive pathetic self I feel as though my problems don't matter. I feel like telling you would be a mistake and that you'd look at me and laugh. Then say "you're depressed? Ha! Think about all the dying animals and children with no water. Think about how depressed they are." Ya I guess when you put it like that it feels pretty meaningless.

TW: Suicide

I've figured it out. It being the fact that I spend half my time wish I semi would tbone me and put me out of my misery. I kept wondering why I could be like any normal suicidal person and just want to slit my wrists or hang myself. I kept telling myself that I wasn't suicidal, that I just wanted to die. That I wouldn't be sorry if I was in some sort of fatal accident. But the truth of the matter is that I don't want to commit suicide because I'm not suicidal. I dont want to commit suicide because I don't want my mom to be disappointed in me even in death. My mom has always said suicide is the most selfish thing anyone could do. And she's called me selfish my while life. So me offing myself would just prove her right. And disappoint her. And even in death, I could never spend an eternity with that knowledge.

TW: Suicide

I've figured it out. It being the fact that I spend half my time wish I semi would tbone me and put me out of my misery. I kept wondering why I could be like any normal suicidal person and just want to slit my wrists or hang myself. I kept telling myself that I wasn't suicidal, that I just wanted to die. That I wouldn't be sorry if I was in some sort of fatal accident. But the truth of the matter is that I don't want to commit suicide because I'm not suicidal. I dont want to commit suicide because I don't want my mom to be disappointed in me even in death. My mom has always said suicide is the most selfish thing anyone could do. And she's called me selfish my while life. So me offing myself would just prove her right. And disappoint her. And even in death, I could never spend an eternity with that knowledge.

i might really have a problem. you see, i go onto my best friends blog and follow her life from afar because im too wrapped up in this depression to actually go see her. i get on her blog and i torture myself with the fact that i have to hear of these things in her life through a web page.
fuck.