Send Help

its not easy when you saw your life plan going one way and then suddenly you're questioning everything you thought you loved. questioning if you even know what you're doing or if you have your life together. and it all makes you feel like your a random particle spinning in space waiting for someone to snatch you up and put you where you belong. because i dont know anything anymore. i feel useless and hopeless and faceless. im working because i need a job but i know that i need to find a career. not just a job. but a passion. something i love to do and enjoy. and make money doing. i thought i could just adopt your persona, your shadow. but that's not the solution. its not possible and its not making me happy. i need a better plan. i need a definition. someone send help.

You Make Me Wanna Die

youve gotten me tangled in your web like the prey to a spider. the sticky string wraps around me, cementing me to your trap. the guilt, the high expectations, the never ending cycle of never being good enough. ive sold my soul to you and i realize now that it may just be the biggest mistake of my life. i dont want this tie to you anymore. i wanna be free. i wanna get out. get my own life and become something so far from this person that i am now. i feel like there is another version of me so deep inside and that ive been stuffing it back trying to be the daughter that youve always wanted. and im starting to realize that you probably dont even know what you want from me. youre just as lost and scared as i am but the biggest difference is that you dont even know what you want and i do. i do know what i want. and im just too much of a coward to do anything about it.

Hooked

i just want to be sucked up into the floor. i want my skin to fall from my bones and my flesh to be eaten alive. i want to disappear. i want to take my final breathes and see the blood drain from my veins. i want everyone to forget who i am and forget what i look like. i want to be a memory. a forgotten memory. when my family and friends will say "she's better off dead". im too much of a pussy to take my own life. i could never swallow pills or cut my wrists or jump off a bridge or hang myself. i could never do any of those things. but if someone broke into my house and wanted to kill me right now i wouldnt beg for my life. i wouldnt ask to be spared. i would let him shoot me. as many fucking times as he wanted. and i hope my mother would feel bad when she saw it happen. i hope she would regret not being a better mother to me. i hope she would regret all the fucked up ways she's treated me over the years. i could never take my own life but i pray to god someone else comes to take mine. and hopefully sooner rather than later.