Head Space

I've got this weird thing where I want to go up stairs and just have you gone. I wish that I'd open that door and all of this would be a dream. I never would have met you. I never would have made this mistake. I never would have to let my family down. I have to do something about this. I can't keep going when I know that my heart isn't in it. I think maybe I was right when I said I would be alone forever. Or I at least need to date the right way and you have your space and I have my space  and at the end of the day you go home and I'm not just thrown into this domestic life I have no experience in. You were right. I'm not ready for this. I'm probably gonna break your heart and I'm sorry. But I have to be true to myself and not go back. Once I'm done that has to be it. I'm also afraid of being a month or two from now and saying I made a mistake I should have stayed with him. But I was fine before and I will be fine again. Right now I just need to clear this head space and figure out what I want.