I think the bigger issue is how much my happiness depends on if I earn her approval that day or not. If I don't meet the mark then I'm a failure and a loser and the worst. The good days are so few and far between now. It almost feels like they're never going to come.
More than anything I hate how weak I am. How emotional I get. I hate how much I cry. I hate me. And they say that if you can't love yourself how do you expect anyone else to love you. So maybe that's why she can't stand me. Maybe I just draw all the negativity and bad things out of her. Maybe in the end I've done this to myself and I deserve all the bad things that are coming back to me.
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